Male!Belarus x Reader: Say You Will

It's taking you too long to decide
And I don't want to be the one, the one
Crying over wasted time
            A loud thunk sounds as another knife buries itself into the tree I’m standing across from behind brother Russia’s house. I can’t help but to be frustrated over my feelings for (Name), do I really like her or is it just that she’s the first girl to actually treat me like a human being instead of an emotionless creep. Even if I do like her, would brother Russia approve? Does she actually have feelings for me? Too many emotions for me to decipher pour over me at these simple questions. Maybe Ivan can help me sort this out. Retrieving my knives I trudge back into the house slamming the door startling Latvia and Lithuania. Both countries scramble out of the room wanting to avoid any volatile actions that generally follow my passing. Marching through the rooms I reach Ivan’s office door not bothering to knock before entering at my leisure. The door stops just a centimeter away from the wall,

“Brother, I need…your help…” I announce shutting the door behind me now feeling more reserved.

“Da, what is it?” he questions looking up from his paperwork seeming slightly irritated.

“How do you know that you have feelings for someone?” I inquire keeping my face an emotionless mask.

“You think about that person a lot and want to make them happy. Do you like someone?” Russia probes finding it strange and maybe even impossible.

“I don’t know, that’s why I came to you,” I answer averting my eyes to the wall, “There’s a girl I can’t get out of my head, she isn’t scared of me, and we’re friends but I can’t stand when other men flirt with her.”

The thought makes me lash out at the wall with one of my knives since it’s too far for me to punch, why can’t things be simple? Still I doubt being angry will help me in this situation. Ivan’s chuckle brings me back to the present conversation,

“What?” I bark at him with an icy glare.

“Nichego, go tell the girl about your feelings,” Ivan says smiling at me.

Giving him a skeptical look I curtly nod taking my leave of the house. What does he mean tell her? How is she going to help me figure it out? Brooding over the whole thing doesn’t seem to be helping me at all; maybe I should go talk to (Name), she’d be more help than Ivan. I’ll set up a flight for tomorrow.

If you think you're strong enough to let me in
Then come on, stand up and be honest, be honest
I'm tired of feeling so alone
Cause you won't let me understand
I don't wanna pretend, I wanna feel, I want to love
            Going to (Country Name)’s house I notice that there is another car in her driveway and I don’t know who it belongs to. Usually (Friend’s Name) spends a lot of time with her but she’s currently visiting brother Russia, whose car is that? I bet it’s just another one of her friends. Although if she has company then it’s best not to bother her, I’ll just wait until the person goes home. Upon deciding this I go sit in a tree where I can look through the windows of her house. When I spot her she’s in her living room with the three people that I dislike most of all. I don’t like how they act as if they can do whatever they want with her. Watching intently from my hiding place I see they are all playing video games on her TV and from the looks on the guys’ faces they are losing to her. They should know better she did grow up with Japan after all. The four of them continue this for a good hour before someone says something and (Name) gets up heading for her kitchen, they must have asked for a drink or food. As she walks away my blood boils over the lewd stares the trio gives her before the blonde and brunette start elbowing the albino seeming to egg him on over something.

    Prussia gets up heading towards (Name)’s direction, curious and to ensure her safety I move to a place where I can see into her kitchen. (Name) gives her attention to the Prussian who is acting extremely arrogant to her as far as I can tell. However when he kisses her she shoves him away and I sprint into her house furious at Gilbert. How dare he kiss her when she doesn’t like him like that.

    “Get away from her Prussia,” I growl seething while holding a knife aimed at him.

    “Vhat the hell?! Vhen did you get here?” the albino asks eyes widening in fear as they travel to the knife in my hand, “Put that away, will you?”

    “Mon ami, what is zhe problem?” France questions from the archway not seeing me.

    “Yeah amigo, did she say yes?” Spain probes grinning also oblivious to my presence.

    “I’ll um tell you guys later, let’s go,” Prussia barely speaks before grabbing his friends and running out the door.

    “Nik, what are you doing here?” (Name) inquires in a surprised tone from where she was standing when the Prussian kissed her.

    “Why were you kissing him?” I demand not bothering to answer her question because it’s so obvious.

    “I…you saw that? Listen it’s not what you-”

    “Just answer me.” I state coldly nearly wincing at my tone as I cross my arms and put my weapon away.

    “Gilbert was asking me to go out with him and I-”

    “You said yes didn’t you?” I say rhetorically since I’m sure that’s the answer then mutter to myself, “I knew you would never feel the same.”

    “Can you just listen?” (Name) snaps sending me a harsh glare.

    “Why bother? I remember you telling me that you liked him. I hope you’re happy with your boyfriend!” I retort sharply spinning on my heel to leave.

    “Where are you going?” she demands following me.

I don’t know what she said after that because I slammed the door behind me leaving her alone in the large house. I can already imagine her calling her boyfriend, just thinking about it makes me mad, and telling him that I left so he’ll go back there. Suddenly my vision blurs making me stop, the air isn’t bad, no sand or dirt got kicked in my eyes, why can’t I see? Blinking I feel liquid running down my face and that’s when I realize I’m crying. As I wipe the tears from my face I feel arms wrap around me from behind causing me to startle and stiffen then I realize its (Name).

“Nik, we’re not done, I need to finish what I was saying,” she starts tightening her arms as she buries her head in the back of my coat.

“I don’t want to hear it,” I tell her tightening my fists and trying to compose myself.
Say you will or say you won't
Open your heart to me
Now or never, tell the truth
Is this real, is this real?
            Instead of waiting for her to attempt continuing I broke free of her embrace heading away swiftly; from the lack of sound I guessed she wasn’t following. I made my way back to my home, without letting anyone know I silently went to my room to contemplate what happened. What will happen now that she knows I care? Do I love her anymore? She has that Prussian bastard now, what would she need me for? I don’t want him to have her though. I know that I can’t just stop this emotion people call love, it lingers and festers, I hate how it causes so much happiness then so much pain. The fluctuation is more than I can handle. Quietly I cry into a pillow on my bed, I bet (Name) doesn’t even care. I never let her explain but there was nothing to explain, I know more about her than anyone else ever could, I might even know her better than she knows herself. Ugh! Why is this so frustrating?! Maybe I should stop myself from loving her since all it is bringing me is pain because she doesn’t care for me in the same way. I’m just another guy to her, she has one female friend and that’s it. I can’t compete with that, what was I ever thinking? Letting go of a sigh I slide under the covers attempting to sleep yet I simply toss and turn all night remembering things.
Whenever you're around, I can't fight it
You get under my skin the way that I like it
And I can't take anymore
Tell me what you want from me or leave me alone
'Cause I'm all caught up and I'm losing control
*Flashbacks*

    One day while I was in the backyard sitting by myself staring into brother’s field of sunflowers I heard the back door open and a girl giggling. The sound was so warm I had to turn around to see who the cause of such laughter was. Upon turning around I found (Country Name) the girl who became my friend over a year ago when she came with brother’s girlfriend to keep him company. I then wondered who was making her laugh and saw it was my brother Dmitri. Springing up from my spot I rushed over to the door,

    “You can go now brother; don’t you have something to clean?” I hissed at him pulling her away from him and closer to me.

    “Oh da, thank you for reminding me Nikolai,” Dmitri smiled at us then took his leave.

    “Hey Nik,” (Name) greeted me about to give me a hug then stopped herself to my surprised disappointment.

    “Hello (Name), what are you doing here?” I calmly asked trying not to show that I’m happy she came to visit.

    “I just wanted to come spend time with you. I’m not bothering you at all am I?” she questioned smiling even though her eyes told me she was concerned about interrupting anything I had going on.

    “No, I’m not doing anything today,” I told her turning my back in order to return to my spot in the grass.

She caught up and took a spot next to me that was a little closer than I’m used to but I didn’t mind, I liked the closeness for once. The two of us talk about our countries, family issues, and anything else that came to mind. We hadn’t noticed the sun had gone down or that both my brothers had been calling for us until they came over and put their hands on my shoulders.

    “Nikolai we’ve been calling you forever, why didn’t you respond? Dinner’s ready,” Russia informed slightly startling me from the little world I had constructed with (Name) in our private conversation.

    “You two have been out here for hours, you must be cold,” Dmitri added in going to help (Name) up only to be stopped by me.

    “We’ll be there in a minute,” I growled taking my (Country Name) friend’s hand gently helping her up glaring at my brothers for ruining our time together.

Russia raised an eyebrow at my actions but this isn’t the first time that I wanted to keep (Country Name) away from them, I’ve done this for a few months now. I always make sure they don’t touch her, that I have her attention instead of them, I throw knives at doors when they are about to knock and disrupt my precious time with my one and only friend, I won’t even let the servants near her. (Name) and I walk behind my siblings no longer talking about anything because I felt it was an intrusion when they randomly popped into our conversations. At the dinner table I also refused to talk in fact I got mad and took my dinner upstairs to eat and brood. As time passed I felt more and more uncomfortable having left her alone with my brothers. They wouldn’t hurt her I know or be mean, however I can’t help but to hate the idea of her and guys other than me. The night progressed and (Name) seemed to be frustrated with me for some reason; I don’t know what I did wrong. When I knew they were done with dinner I took her hand and brought her to the living room to watch a movie with me. We shared the couch which she stretched out upon but was uncomfortable so I let her lay her head in my lap while I stroked her hair not really paying attention to the movie. (Name) ended up falling asleep and I didn’t want to wake her so I slept on the couch too.
I'm tired of holding on so tight
When you won't let me understand
Now I'm falling apart
I never meant to lose myself
            Another time we were talking about why I was so obsessed with my brother but all I could tell her is that she wouldn’t understand. She wanted to know why I would tell her everything as long as it wasn’t personal yet I couldn’t answer that either. (Name) looked at a loss of what to do with the information I gave her. I never really tell her my reasons; I just tell her what happened when things get bad at home or if I get into a fight in an alley. My friend grew a little distant and I got scared she might not like me anymore. She never told me what was bothering her as she seemed to lose a piece of herself which only caused me to be more worried than I already was. I investigated if there were any wars going on, if her family was giving her trouble, her friends, and none of it seemed out of place, she had no enemies at the time and her friends and family didn’t seem to be at odds with her either. It was a very puzzling time. She talked with her friends (Friend’s Name) and Francis a lot often seeming quite upset but whenever I asked she’d give me the most vacant look then leave. It really hurt because she never did that before and I looked for her diary but couldn’t find it so she probably keeps it with her unless she doesn’t have one.

    One day when I got angry about her not telling me we got into an argument about how I never tell her anything when I have problems. I just don’t think she should have to worry about my problems but I want to help her with hers. She told me to just leave it alone but I couldn’t so I hugged her,

    “Please tell me,” I begged her clinging tightly, “I don’t want you to be sad anymore.”

    “Then just let me understand you,” she responded hugging me back.

I sighed in relief feeling quite calm until she had let go of me so I had to let go of her, if I could I would hold her in my arms forever. (Name) looked at me expectantly so I guided her to her living room where I spilled everything that I’ve been troubled by minus letting her know about me stalking her. By then I still hadn’t known what I felt for my (Country Name) friend.
Say you will or say you won't
Open your heart to me
Now or never, tell the truth
Is this real, is this real
Say you will or say you won't
Open your heart to me
Now or never, tell the truth
Is this real, is this real?
            A couple of months ago (Name) asked me a question but I never gave her an answer when I should have but I didn’t know that answer. She had asked me if I loved her, Russia came in the room a minute later breaking the silence between us by saying that dinner was ready. I followed my brother out of the room leaving her there to wonder if I had an answer or if I was now going to neglect her. We had a quiet dinner with Dmitri and Ivan doing most of the talking. Eating didn’t take long and at the end of it,

    “Thank you for dinner and having me over, I should probably get back home now,” (Name) politely said putting her plate in the sink then heading for the door.

I said nothing just watched her go feeling conflicted about going after her and staying put. Thanks to my indecisiveness I didn’t respond to her actions until after the front door already closed softly.

    “Nikolai, did something happen?” Dmitri inquired concerned about what just happened.

    “No,” I bluntly replied then skulked away.

Obviously my brothers aren’t stupid they must have known I was lying but they wouldn’t dare say anything because I don’t like them talking about (Name). I hadn’t seen her for a week after that and it nearly drove me insane. Neither of us ever brought up the conversation and she always seemed to be nervous when I would go near her, occasionally she blushed at our proximity but I didn’t see why. I kept doing it though just to see her face since I find it cute and even found myself making remarks that indicated I had an interest in her as something more than my friend. She would pick up on these but after enjoying the comment she would be confused. To some degree I delighted in doing this to her due to the attention she gave me for it but I knew that it wasn’t right of me.

*Flashbacks End*

Like drops of rain against my heart
Cut through like silver
And I want to make you feel that way
And I want to make you feel the way that I do
            By the time the sun rises I decide that I’ll try again tonight to get sleep but I doubt that it will come to me if I don’t solve this problem soon. (Name) is mine, I want her to know that, I want her friends to know it especially the Bad Touch Trio, her family will know, and then no one will ever try to take her from me. Sitting up in bed I look around my room seeing that it’s a complete mess; I guess I never cleaned it from the last time I got really upset. That stupid Prussian is going to get it one day and I’ll be there for (Name) saying he got into an accident. Although if she ever found out she would hate me then everything would be ruined and I would be left without my love unless I forced her to stay with me but that could never be enough. It’s around eight o’clock now so I go to brother Dmitri’s room without bothering to be quiet since I plan on waking him up anyway. Upon entering the room I see my brother is sitting up rubbing his eyes to get rid of his grogginess. He glances over at me not seeming surprised at all.

    “Dmitri, I don’t know what to do,” I blurt deciding to get straight to the point no matter how embarrassing this is for me.

    “For…*yawn* what?” he questions tiredly as he stretches.

    “I was going to see if (Name) could help me figure out my feelings but when I got there she had company so I waited until I saw that Prussian bastard kiss her. I broke into her house planning on stabbing him because she belongs with me. When I asked her why they were kissing she told me that he was asking her out then I cut her off since I knew that she told me once that she liked him, obviously she said yes. She yelled at me for leaving and now I’m back here. I don’t know what to do,” I ramble going to sit on my brother’s bed with my head bent down.

    “You’re so cute, she doesn’t like Prussia she likes you. Now go apologize for being rude to her, she’s probably just as upset as you are,” he says sleepily as another yawn comes from him.

    “You’d better not be lying to me or I will come back here and test out my new knife on you,” I growl giving him my best glare studying his face for any hint that he might not be telling me the truth about this.

Once I’m satisfied I go to leave the house when there’s a knock on the door, already going out that way anyway I answer it. My eyes widen in surprise at seeing (Name) at the door, instead of letting her in I walk out closing the door behind me.

    “We need to talk,” I tell her no longer angry yet anxious instead as I lead her away from the house.

    “Were…were you coming to see me again?” (Name) stutters looking very shy which is very uncharacteristic of her from what I’ve seen.

    “Yes, are you okay?” I quickly change the subject after answering feeling her forehead and looking her over then reading her face, “You never stutter, did someone threaten you?”

    “No, I’m okay,” she states sounding a little exasperated as she stares back at me.

    “Good, I’d kill them if they did because nobody threatens what’s mine,” I tell her smirking then bringing her close to me.

    “What’s yours? Nik do you-” she starts as her whole face flushes red before I interrupt her once again this time with a kiss.

It starts off soft and tentative evolving into passionate and daring before we had to break apart in order to breathe. Leaning my forehead against hers I whisper,

    “I’m sorry for not listening to you yesterday or today. I love you, I wanted to tell you yesterday but Prussia got me all worked up.”

    “If you ever do that again, I won’t forgive you because you made me cry,” (Name) tells me with a weak glare crossing her arms.

    “I promise I won’t!” I nearly shout at the thought of her not accepting me slightly panicking.

Without another word she hugs me tightly as we walk along the sidewalks but one thing bugs me,

“Tell me you love me,” I demand wanting to hear the words from her lips.

“Ja liubliu ciabie,” (Name) responds voice like silk in my language twining her fingers with mine.
Say you will or say you won't
Open your heart to me
Now or never, tell the truth
Is this real?
Say you will or say you won't
Open your heart to me
Now or never, tell the truth
Is this real, is this real?